Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Amazing how 2 years can fly yet feel so long...

Well...here it is..months later. As it turns out, I didn't do the show in May. Got to my final fitting and reality stared me in the face, so, after getting measured, all while trying to keep my shit together, I went to my car and cried. I felt like a failure. On top of that, we did actually sell our house, but at the expense of losing a few clients of mine who we originally went with as realtors, then went with someone else. Was it shitty? No, bottom line we needed to do what was best for us, and being treated like another number didn't mesh well. Anyway, so we bought another house, smaller, more reasonable mortgage, and moved. Along with that, our little pupper Grace got sicker and in October, we had to let her go, hardest fucking thing to go through, and it's been tough moving past it. I feel like the past two years have been a shit show. I keep waking up every day, hoping something is going to click, that I won't feel like such a failure in business if I got a few more clients, that my body wouldn't depress me so much if I just continue to forge ahead and train, but sadly, it seems I'm repeating the words "I'm done" too often. You start to wonder exactly what is your purpose. Am I meant to move on to another career? Am I meant to stop training for another show in May next year? Why am I letting my head get so bossy? Why do we have to gain weight from chocolate croissants? I think the first step in trying to get out of my head was to deactivate my facebook page. You never realize how depressing that social media outlet can be, so, I'm taking a step back from it. Now..on to figuring out wtf want to do when I grow up...

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