Tuesday, April 21, 2015

How to stay focused when dealing with other shitty news....

How do you stay focused when things are falling apart? My show is 24 days away. Am I prepared? Who knows. I honestly feel like I'm in limbo right now. My weight isn't changing, yet, when I take measurements, I'm getting smaller. How the fuck does that even work? I keep being told to trust the process, but it's getting harder and harder. In the midst of preparing for this show, we are also trying to figure out what to do about our house. 10 years in an interest only loan, yep, getting fucked daily and thinking there was a light at the end of the tunnel, only to be told, nope, that light was an illusion, we can help, but you are going to continue to get fucked, even worse than you already are. So, looks like we are going to have to sell. Do I want to? Hell no. Do I feel like breaking shit...yep. Mentally I am not prepared for this. I am so exhausted and ready to lash out, I don't know where to direct my anxiety. I have a choice, either let this break me and destroy the hard work I have put in these past few months, or, get through it, use the anger to fuel me and stay focused. I won't lie, having a huge drink along with some shitty food really would be the easy way out, but I'd like to think I am stronger than that, no matter how fucked up my head is at the moment. I need to remember, this isn't the worse thing  that can happen to us, that it is possibly a good thing, a chance to move out of the comfort zone, rent for a while, then figure out where we really want to live. So, for now, I am going to get my training clothes on, splash some cold water on my face and try to focus on one problem at a time....

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