Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Magic little pill....

The funny thing about depression is how long you can deny you're in one. You convince yourself you're fine, you're handling things and while you may have a bad day or two, you blow them off. The reality is getting out of one is just as hard as admitting you're in one. I don't like to admit defeat. I do not like not being in control of how my emotions are. I hate feeling like I have nobody to talk to. Yes, my husband is great but hearing the same things over and over again are going to grind on you after a while. I see the commercials. I see how easy it is to turn to a little pill to take your troubles away. I also see the cavalier way people will pop those pills, hoping that it will magically make things better. Never mind the fact you still need to deal with the shit that you've been denying for so long. Losing people we love isn't easy, and no amount of time is making it become easier. I'm sick of being sad. I'm sick of being mad. I'm sick of feeling like I'm stuck. I'm sick of feeling like there is no way out. I'm tired of reaching out for things I know can't make things better. I hate having all this anger. It scares me how much it's controlling me and my surroundings. The things I used to love to do are no longer appealing to me. The thought of running away is appealing but not realistic. Seriously, how the fuck do people deal with this for years?! Counseling is an option, but I fear opening up to a stranger, especially when you don't know where to begin......

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