Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Denial....

It's amazing how long you can be in denial about things. My sister died in January and I am still not able to deal with it. The reality is she's not coming back, I know this, but I seem to be stuck in the mud with no way of getting out. I have no energy. I don't really care to leave the house. I don't care to really interact with people. Getting myself to train is a huge feat. But yet, I seem to not have any problems with sitting in front of the computer for hours on end. I mindlessly get on Facebook, not really connecting with anything or anyone in particular. Half the time I can't remember what I've read. I check my phone constantly, even though there's no reason to. There are days where I have some joy, my dogs and husband bring a smile to my face. But I worry about winter, I worry about Christmas, the first one without Kelly and my heart breaks. I trudge around the house knowing I can and should be cleaning, but having no energy or a care to do so. It doesn't seem to matter. Dealing with a death sucks. I wonder if things will get easier......

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