Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Fearing change....

It's easy to fall into the trap of the status quo. It's safer. There's less chance of being hurt or of failure. I've lived in this place for too long it feels like. What hold me back from changing? Fear of losing my identity I have come to relate to. I feel like if I let go or change my direction that I will no longer be the person I am known for. I powerlift. I enjoy it, or at least I used to. I have gone off the path from it before, but always went back, because I admit, I love holding records. I fear that if I don't continue to compete and hold on to those records, that somehow this makes me a failure. What I need to realize is that there is always going to be someone younger and stronger that can and will come along to break them. So, in the meantime, why do I continue to train when I'm not happy with how I'm looking? I want to look good naked. How am I going to do that by staying with the status quo? I know what I need to do, and it's true, if you want something bad enough, you work for it. It's just hard when you have two sets of goals: be strong and look lean. I think I also worry that if I just go back to training, but not for a meet, then I'm not really going to succeed. Yes, I realize how fucked up that way of thinking is. I also feel like I'm changing as a person. And while we all evolve as we age, it's amazing to see how much of a different path we end up on from when we first started. One thing I know is that I need to believe I am worth investing in. That it's okay for me to try something new and not feel like I am going to lose myself or my identity. It's gotta be better than the status quo, right?

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