Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Social media anxiety...

I am not the type of person that runs out to join the latest and greatest social media groups. I'm pretty private. Yes, I have this little blog, but I haven't shared it with the entire world. It took me up until 2 years ago to join FaceBook. I don't tweet, nor do I Instagram. I admit, I get a little anxious when a pic of me is on the Internet due to my lifting. I brace myself for the onslaught of negative comments. I critique myself to the point of the ridiculousness, and I wonder if there is an ulterior motive when someone from high school, whom I haven't spoken with in 25 years, sends me a friend request. I realize we all are getting older, but the old hurts and insecurities come rushing back and I'm finding myself censoring myself because I'm somehow afraid that my larger body is going to be a punchline for some joke. Why the paranoia? I'm not sure. I wonder if it's because I've gotten burned so bad in the past that I'm afraid nothing good can possibly happen. If my sister were alive she would tell me not to worry about a bunch of people that probably have as may if not more problems or insecurities as I do. I wish she were here to help me wade through this. It's easy to post all the good photo shopped pictures of your life on either FB or Instagram, it's a lot harder to post something you know isn't considered the social norm. I'm trying to get over that part. I think part of the problem may be that even though I have a great life right now and have accomplished many good things, I still think it's not going to be considered that way to others, which makes me wonder why the fuck I am even worried about that. It's a hard mind set to change and one that I am taking baby steps to work on....