Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Stuck in park.....

At what point do you just give up? At what point do you let go of all the anger and resentment? I feel like I have all this rage but nowhere to point it. That's the funny thing about unexpected deaths. Who do you blame? Yourself? How do you move on from the resentment you feel? Do you just wake up one morning and it's gone? Do you just let it become a part of you? Honestly, I haven't been on this big a roller coaster ride since I became a teenager. It sucks. People that say they understand how I feel piss me off as well. You really don't know how I feel. You have an idea of it. You may have experienced something similar, but your feelings are your own. My sister believed I was stronger than I thought I was. I never believed her. I always thought she was the strong one, even though she was younger. She seemed to have her shit together so much more than me, and on many occasions it was proven. I just don't know how to go forward without her here. No, that wasn't a cry for help. I just don't know how to put one foot in front of the other, and at the age I am, that's pretty pathetic. I keep waiting for her to appear. To tell me to get my head out of my ass, that things will be okay, but that hasn't happened. I guess all I can do is try to get through each day, accept the feelings that come up, and on occasion punch something, otherwise I am going to go crazy...and crazy ain't pretty...

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