Monday, March 10, 2014

Getting over a slump...

Being in a slump is the worst. Sometimes we know why we are going through it, other times we spend days trying to figure it out. My slump has been around for a while now, and it got worse when my sister passed. People keep telling me it's okay to be down, to be depressed angry etc. I know that, I'm not stupid. What I don't know is how to get out of it and stop sliding more and more down the rabbit hole of a full blown depression. When I was having issues before, I could always take it out on my training. If course, that also backfired a few times which led to over training, under eating and over drinking, so, trying to find a balance is key. It used to be easy, I get pissed I go to the gym. Now I am pissed and sad but can't seem to find my way out of a box. There have been a few days where I have felt normal, but, mostly I feel like a lost child. I try to convince myself that tomorrow is going to be a better day, that I will eat more, eat healthier, train harder etc...then the morning comes, and it's back to being the same as it was the day before. My head feels like it is going to explode. There are days I just want to pack up my shit and leave, taking my hubby and our dogs and just go away. Then I hear my sister in the back of my head telling me that running away won't solve my problems, remember California? So, I stay put, I try to take deep breaths, I try to focus on my husband and our dogs, and that helps, because deep down, that's what matters to me, and all I can do is keep getting up every day, put in the effort take the emotions as they come and get through it, knowing that at one point, it's going to get better...it has to, because I am stronger than this shell of a woman I have become, and I know my sister would be pissed if I let it slip away...

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