Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Being kinder to yourself.....

It's been a little while since I blogged. Not a shit ton of time, but, after reading thru some of the more recent ones, I felt I needed to step back...too much negative shit and once you spiral, it's easy to ignore the breaks. By all accounts, I am a moody person. Some may characterize it as manic, and I won't disagree 100%...I know what many of my triggers are, and for the most part, I try to avoid them. Other times, it's like I rush right towards them, as if daring myself to see how low I can get. Yesterday I avoided a major meltdown. I was at the mall, trying on clothes, jeans to be more specific. If you are a woman, you know how this can end: tears, crying and screaming...all while in the fitting room. I'm not sure what kept me from going over the edge yesterday, but, I stayed calm. I was able to look at myself and remind myself that I am a work in progress. Yes, my ass has gotten a bit more on the mushy side. Yes, my thighs aren't as developed as they were just a few months ago, BUT, I am also not in major pain after training. I am not starving myself to meet a certain weight class and I am enjoying the fall coffee selection from Caribou for the first time in over 2 years. The reality I am starting to live is that what defines me as a person is NOT the size of my jeans, how toned my arms are or whether or not I can break records. What defines me is how I treat others and myself, and I think yesterday proved I am heading in the right direction...even if I get sidetracked by a croissant or two.......

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