Saturday, August 31, 2013

Twisted Teas and laziness do not do a booty good.....

Finding your own path is hard enough, but staying on that path can prove to be even more difficult. The type of person I am makes it challenging to keep focused on what I am currently doing, and makes me question my choices almost on a daily basis. Throw in the fact that I am getting older and it's fucking with my head, and I am not liking it. In fact, it's driving me to find solace in Twisted Teas and general laziness, and that is not doing a booty good. How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? How do you ever get to the point where you feel you can safely say "Yep, this is working for me, so I am good", and then step away from the countless fitness or dietary articles on the web? At 42, I should have my shit together. I should be able to get off the "treadmill" and be able to focus on what I am doing, but yet, here I am, how many months after stepping away from Power lifting,  lost in my fitness arena. It's getting old. I find myself trying to decide between doing workout videos or setting up my own training program again, getting back to the basics, but then, I get worried about pushing myself to the point of injury again, and that scares me. I worry that I will always be chasing this unrealistic dream of slim legs, tiny waist and wearing cute shorts outside of the house. It's a dream that has actually become a nightmare to me, because I feel trapped by it. I hate that feeling. I hate the weak minded woman I have become. I hate the fact that my confidence has somehow decided to abandon ship, and I have no life preserver to cling on to. I hate that I know I am stronger than I give myself credit for, that I am so quick to point out my flaws and cut myself down. I hate that I am giving away my power. And I hate that I actually started thinking that maybe eating 1200 calories a day would be a good idea for me to revisit....Seriously, time to get my head out of my ass, out of the cans of Twisted Teas and start swimming to shore, rather than waiting for someone to rescue me. I can only rescue myself, and isn't it about time I realize I am worth it?

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