Saturday, August 31, 2013
Finding your own path is hard enough, but staying on that path can prove to be even more difficult. The type of person I am makes it challenging to keep focused on what I am currently doing, and makes me question my choices almost on a daily basis. Throw in the fact that I am getting older and it's fucking with my head, and I am not liking it. In fact, it's driving me to find solace in Twisted Teas and general laziness, and that is not doing a booty good. How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? How do you ever get to the point where you feel you can safely say "Yep, this is working for me, so I am good", and then step away from the countless fitness or dietary articles on the web? At 42, I should have my shit together. I should be able to get off the "treadmill" and be able to focus on what I am doing, but yet, here I am, how many months after stepping away from Power lifting, lost in my fitness arena. It's getting old. I find myself trying to decide between doing workout videos or setting up my own training program again, getting back to the basics, but then, I get worried about pushing myself to the point of injury again, and that scares me. I worry that I will always be chasing this unrealistic dream of slim legs, tiny waist and wearing cute shorts outside of the house. It's a dream that has actually become a nightmare to me, because I feel trapped by it. I hate that feeling. I hate the weak minded woman I have become. I hate the fact that my confidence has somehow decided to abandon ship, and I have no life preserver to cling on to. I hate that I know I am stronger than I give myself credit for, that I am so quick to point out my flaws and cut myself down. I hate that I am giving away my power. And I hate that I actually started thinking that maybe eating 1200 calories a day would be a good idea for me to revisit....Seriously, time to get my head out of my ass, out of the cans of Twisted Teas and start swimming to shore, rather than waiting for someone to rescue me. I can only rescue myself, and isn't it about time I realize I am worth it?
Sunday, August 11, 2013
My diet has been all over the map. I was vegetarian for a few years, then went vegan, then decided I wasn't getting what I needed out of that so I recently started incorporating chicken, eggs and a little dairy back in. Initially I was worried. How would my hubby react, how would my body react and how would my friends respond. I didn't have to worry. The hubby, who is vegan, supports me 100%, my body has been doing fine and the true friends I have understand and are supportive. Food has always been an issue for me. I worried so much for so long if I was eating too much, not enough, freaking out over calories, portions etc, that it really became more like an enemy. One that I never thought I could or would defeat. Couple the food issue with body dysmorphia, and it's a great ride to be on...lol. When I started power lifting, it gave me a focus. I was building strength, it didn't matter what I looked like in my singlet, it was about how much weight I pulled or pushed. Unfortunately when I stopped focusing on power lifting, it also sent me right back to food hell. I started worrying more about how my clothes looked, if people thought I looked fat, if I was eating too many calories since I wasn't training heavy. It started to fuck with my head. I wasn't sleeping, I was quick to get angry, lashing out and in all honesty, panicking. I didn't like where I was headed. Which where the choice to either stay on that path or hop the fuck off it and get on a new one became a reality. We all have our demons. I for one am tired of mine controlling my life, and me being a giant pussy and not taking back the control. That stopped this past week. I stopped lifting, to give my body the opportunity to heal from the various injuries I have been in denial of having. I kept up with the morning cardio sessions, I reconnected with my Naturalpath Doctor, and have started a new wellness plan. I also had doughnuts this morning for the first time in almost a year, and they tasted awesome, and I for the first time in my life, I am not apologizing for eating them. I am not beating myself up, I am not planning on extra time on the treadmill to work off the calories. I am sitting here, writing this, and for the first time in over 20 years, I am feeling good about where I am headed...
Saturday, August 10, 2013
I am over people that are in constant sales mode. These type of people really just have no "off" switch, no matter how many times I have looked for it. The most prominent place for "sales mode" is the car business. Now, believe me, I get it. I worked retail for over 20 years, so I understand making a sale. Within those 20 plus years though, I also learned how to communicate effectively with my client, so in the end, what I was selling really have a value to them, and they never walked away feeling like they got duped. I recently leased a new car. I have been leasing cars for a while now, so the process isn't new to me. I also usually have a pretty good read on the sales person, and stay away from the ones that make my stomach lurch. A few things to point out, and perhaps some mistakes to NOT make on the sales side of things: Please put a competent person at the front desk. I can tell the one that hates her job, and can't transfer a call to save her life. Don't tell your customer something that clearly isn't true, like how the warranty extends to the full 39 months on a lease, when it doesn't, of course finding this out WHEN you are signing the papers is bullshit as well. When you tell a customer you are going to call them at a certain time, then do just that. Follow up is huge, and I for one take to heart that you are going to do what you say you are. When I do have to call you, yet again after not having my calls returned to begin with, do not act put out, or place the blame on another department. Of course I could go on and on, it is a dealership after all, but, the gist of it is this: Listen to your customer, don't tell them one thing and either do another or not follow through at all, and don't make them feel like they aren't worth your time after you've made the sale, which is the biggest mistake of all, because not only did you lose any future sales from me, but I have no problem lambasting you to ensure you lose future sales elsewhere too.....
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
My time is valuable. Wasting it tends to piss me off. It becomes more and more apparent to me as I get older. People that run late on a permanent basis really aggravate me. Setting appointments for a certain time and being late for it is unacceptable. Now, I realize things happen, accidents, traffic essentially shit that's out of our control. But, also, realize that if you are running late for an appointment with me, and I see you walk in with hot coffee from Caribou all that sympathy went out the door, and that's probably the last time you will see me again. You do not know what is going on in my day. You do not know what my schedule is like. You don't know that with running 15 minutes behind all the shit I had planned is now out out the door. As a service provider, I pride myself on running on time. I cushion my schedule to ensure I have enough time to get from one place to the next. I realize my client's time is precious, and I also respect my client's enough to show them that respect by not running late. If I do run behind, my client's are not upset, more surprised or worried and they know there is a good reason for it. I also tend to make up for my rare lateness, which my client's do not expect, but appreciate. Being late shows rudeness. Being late tells other people that their time is more valuable than yours. I got tired of dealing with people like that, so, I don't anymore, the question is, do you think you are worth more?
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Habits can be either hard to make or hard to break. It usually takes about 3 weeks to form one. During those 3 weeks, it's up to us to decide if it's a habit worth making. I recently started doing some light cardio in the mornings when I wake up. I didn't think I would enjoy it. I didn't think it was something I could really stick with, but after 2 weeks, I am liking the way it gets me going in the morning, the way it starts my day, and I am making a conscious effort to make sure I continue to do it. Is it easier to convince yourself that it's okay to sleep in, that you can always do the cardio later, when you are done with your lifting, but the truth is, I rarely follow through with it then. The same goes for breaking a habit. I am convinced that if you want something bad enough, you will find a way to make it happen. I am also a hard headed Aries, so, really, I'm too stubborn to give up, much of the time. Saying you are going to do something and actually following through with it are two different things. You need to decide if you think you are worth building positive habits, and letting go of the bad ones, nobody can decide that for you. People will try to talk you out of things, like training in the morning or at all really because they themselves lack the discipline you show them you have. The reason you go to bed early, the reason you don't drink like a fish or eat like shit anymore the reason you want to feel good in the morning are completely foreign to people that lack any direction themselves. Never apologize for forming new habits that are positive in your life. Never apologize for cutting out the bad habits that are polluting it either. The people that understand the what and why of what you are doing will support you, the ones that don't? Well, you're better off in the long run without them....mostly because they won't be running with you at all....