Tuesday, July 30, 2013

When the panic monster emerges....

I am not a patient person. I never have been, and sadly, I never will be. I used to think I was good under pressure. I used to think I could handle anything, but the reality that I can't hit me hard yesterday. I have been in the process of leasing a car, in my business name, since I travel for my job. The amount of paperwork and different way of leasing a car was so over my head I almost lost it a few times. Literally, I wanted to walk right out, and I felt the panic setting in. When I don't know anything or feel overwhelmed with something unknown, I panic....HARD. It's not pretty. I tend to lash out, get snappy and pissed and eventually just walk away. I'm like that skit on SNL a while back where the dude is shouting "FIX IT, Just FIX IT"...if only it was that simple. Thank goodness for my level headed husband. He took the reigns, calmed me down, and basically, fixed it. Then the guilt sets in. I know I am not a pleasant person to be around when I am panicked. I hate seeing this other person emerge from the darkness, then quietly go away when things are all better. I often wonder how the hell he stays with me, with someone who's moods fluctuate so much. A person who is so random with her thoughts and feelings it has to be like living with a chameleon. I ask him, and his reply? He loves me, quirks, moodiness and all. And it's when I hear that from him the breathing returns to normal, the mood calms and I know the panic monster will be safely tucked away for a while.....

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