Friday, July 19, 2013

Fearing smaller pieces of fabric....

I haven't worn a bathing suit in over 10 years. I fear that small piece of fabric. I hate the hold it has over me. I finally got the courage to buy shorts this year, girls shorts, as in not the cargo shorts I have come accustom to and comfortable with. These are shorts that go above the knee, exposing my thighs in all their glory. Sadly, I have yet to wear them out of the house. Why? Am I the size of a house you ask? No, I'm not. I am actually as size 6. I train 5 days a week. For a woman my age (42) I should have no problem putting on those shorts and walking out the door, but yet, I can't seem to do it, and it pisses me off. So really, if I can't wear a pair of normal shorts, as in ones that cover my entire ass, how the hell am I supposed to put a bathing suit on? Dear lord, that's enough to send me into a full blown panic attack. Yet, I look around me and see people larger than me doing both. With confidence, and while I sit and wonder with jealousy how they do it, I also want to beat the shit out of them for being able to do just that. The green eyed monster rears it's ugly head, and it's not pretty. How does one just move past their anxiety of putting on smaller fabrics and walking out of the house? Do they bottle it up, can I buy some? Seriously, I need to figure something out, because those shorts are not doing any good siting in the closet, and summer isn't getting any shorter....

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