Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Shaking my head in disbelief....

I believe some people should not be in the service industry. These are people that clearly have no people skills and should really think about working in an office, away from people. People within the service industry, especially ones that provide hands on services, such as, hair stylists, massage therapists and acupuncturists etc. really need to be passionate for what they do. If you are passionate, you will shine, your clients will love and respect what you do and the green will flow. When you are NOT passionate, your clients will feel that as well, and in return your books will be slow, clients will think twice about booking again with you and the green stops. If the latter, the last thing you should think about doing is raising your prices 50%. Seriously. Also, you really shouldn't say you need to start bringing in some money to the client you just showed up 15 minutes late for (yet again) and expect them not to be a little shocked. If you are not busy right now, at the prices you have set now what in the hell makes you think you are going to be busier with charging 50% more?  Of course, I have heard of service providers raising prices to get rid of clients, and if that is indeed the case here, that's sad, because I think you are going to lose more than that one client you are trying to rid yourself of.  I have received treatments from this person, I know they lack the passion or excitement that their partner has for the business, so I am having a really hard time wrapping my head around his logic in doing what he is doing. Clearly he doesn't have a head for business either, but yet, this is also the same person that has no problem taking time off to travel places with his wife so she can run races. This is also the man that works 4 days a week, and of those 4 days, usually only about 4 hours a day. This is the man who shows up 10-15 minutes late to every appointment, and since he doesn't start until 11 or 12:00, that's a bit disturbing. So really, charging 50% more for a half assed service seems like the smart move, right?

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

When the panic monster emerges....

I am not a patient person. I never have been, and sadly, I never will be. I used to think I was good under pressure. I used to think I could handle anything, but the reality that I can't hit me hard yesterday. I have been in the process of leasing a car, in my business name, since I travel for my job. The amount of paperwork and different way of leasing a car was so over my head I almost lost it a few times. Literally, I wanted to walk right out, and I felt the panic setting in. When I don't know anything or feel overwhelmed with something unknown, I panic....HARD. It's not pretty. I tend to lash out, get snappy and pissed and eventually just walk away. I'm like that skit on SNL a while back where the dude is shouting "FIX IT, Just FIX IT"...if only it was that simple. Thank goodness for my level headed husband. He took the reigns, calmed me down, and basically, fixed it. Then the guilt sets in. I know I am not a pleasant person to be around when I am panicked. I hate seeing this other person emerge from the darkness, then quietly go away when things are all better. I often wonder how the hell he stays with me, with someone who's moods fluctuate so much. A person who is so random with her thoughts and feelings it has to be like living with a chameleon. I ask him, and his reply? He loves me, quirks, moodiness and all. And it's when I hear that from him the breathing returns to normal, the mood calms and I know the panic monster will be safely tucked away for a while.....

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Wanting and expecting things for free....

I admit it, I like a bargain. I cringe at times when I see how much something costs. I do like to receive things for free. I also realize you pay for what you get. If you are expecting high quality clothing from Old navy, think again. If you want something to last, you spend a little but more on it. If you want a great haircut from a professional, you pay for it, and when you want an excellent massage you pay for it, otherwise head over to one of those places that cost less and the quality shows for it. Please, don't expect me or anyone else who has spent time and money on receiving an excellent education to not charge appropriately. I do what I do because I love it. I found my calling and I wake up every day thankful that I am able to do what I do. To expect me to not charge you or to give you a huge discount is a bit of a slap in the face, at least in my opinion. Making me feel guilty for expecting to be paid for what I do is also pretty lame. Everyone who has a job expects to be paid accordingly, why should I be any different? I always find it funny that some people, my parents included (sadly) think that what I do isn't a real job. Well, it is. I work my ass off for every single client I have and am grateful for having. I make sure I listen to what they need, I adjust, and go above and beyond to accommodate. To expect me to be okay that you don't think I am worth the pricing I have established (which is pretty low compared to others in my field) it makes me shake my head, and it also makes me wonder about your priorities. I am into wellness. I am into making people feel better. I am into helping people recover from injuries. I think I am worth more than you think.....

Tired of so called "experts"....

Anyone else out there tired of "experts" touting what you should do to lose weight, dress slimmer or basically touting anything? I read an article yesterday about a personal trainer that basically exposed how easy it is to do a "transformation" picture in a matter of hours. It kind of pissed me off. I already knew what went into cover shots of fitness magazines, all about photo shopping etc, but, the transformation article really got me. I stopped reading fitness magazines and the like a few years ago, after the articles became less on substance and more on fluff, along with the ridiculous number of ads, it became a waste of my time. I got tired of reading how some celebrity's trainer, and expert in yoga, or barre or weights, had transformed their body. All it ever did was make me question if what I was doing was right, or, would I be better off doing their routine. It got old switching up workouts. It got confusing figuring out who exactly was the "leading expert" in a certain area. So, I stopped. I started doing my own research. I found routines that worked for ME. Ones that I enjoyed and not ones that made me question if this was the latest and greatest. I only wish others were able to ditch the fads as well, then perhaps they may actually start liking their training and themselves again...

Monday, July 22, 2013

Why I don't really socialize all that much....

When you work in the industry I work in, Massage Therapy, it's hard to not to take on your clients problems as your own. Of course, many other therapists may disagree with that statement, but, I also believe they are the ones that really don't have a passion for what they do, so I really don't care about their opinions on the matter. When people are on your table, and you see them on a regular basis, you get to know them. They become very comfortable talking about anything with you, at least my clients do. I don't mind this, I feel honored they are trusting me with important information they don't tell other people. It's almost like what's said on the table stays on the table, so essentially I am Vegas. I am very good with being able to take the info in, and compartmentalize it, until I become so overwhelmed with people's "stuff" I can't, then I tend to shut down. I need some time to get away from it, to escape, and that's easier said than done at times. I like being a sounding board for people, someone they can get their thoughts out, try to help them through problems if I can and give my opinion when it's asked for. What becomes hard is when people start thinking you can fix everything for them, like a magic pill.  As much as I would like to be able to fix every one's problems, the truth is I am not a miracle worker. When  it becomes more than me giving you information and becomes more like you are expecting me to make your issues disappear, then perhaps I need to move on. It has gotten to the point that I sometimes dread working on a particular client, because their expectations for what I am capable of doing for them is so far beyond the scope of what I am actually qualified to do is extremely out of whack. People may wonder why I don't socialize very much, why I prefer to stay home, with my dogs and husband watching movies, and the reason is, during the week, I am constantly taking in so much info that I really don't want to be around other people when I'm done, and yes, I know that sounds weird, but it's honest. I know my husband worries about me, but the truth is, I prefer the company of him, myself and our dogs to throngs of people. Which is why I became a MT as opposed to a social party planner.....

Friday, July 19, 2013

Fearing smaller pieces of fabric....

I haven't worn a bathing suit in over 10 years. I fear that small piece of fabric. I hate the hold it has over me. I finally got the courage to buy shorts this year, girls shorts, as in not the cargo shorts I have come accustom to and comfortable with. These are shorts that go above the knee, exposing my thighs in all their glory. Sadly, I have yet to wear them out of the house. Why? Am I the size of a house you ask? No, I'm not. I am actually as size 6. I train 5 days a week. For a woman my age (42) I should have no problem putting on those shorts and walking out the door, but yet, I can't seem to do it, and it pisses me off. So really, if I can't wear a pair of normal shorts, as in ones that cover my entire ass, how the hell am I supposed to put a bathing suit on? Dear lord, that's enough to send me into a full blown panic attack. Yet, I look around me and see people larger than me doing both. With confidence, and while I sit and wonder with jealousy how they do it, I also want to beat the shit out of them for being able to do just that. The green eyed monster rears it's ugly head, and it's not pretty. How does one just move past their anxiety of putting on smaller fabrics and walking out of the house? Do they bottle it up, can I buy some? Seriously, I need to figure something out, because those shorts are not doing any good siting in the closet, and summer isn't getting any shorter....

Making choices...however hard they may be.

It is extremely hard to want to continue to help people that won't help themselves. I understand that people need to want to do things for themselves, but I also get tired of hearing them say they want to change, and then not do shit about it. I can't fix you. I can't lose weight for you. I can't give you more energy or more mobility. I can give you the tools and the ideas you need to try to move forward with achieving those things, but I also can't sit by and listen to a broken record, week after week. Falling into a depression is shitty. I have been there, and it is hard to climb out of if you are in deep. You can claw your way out, but you have to find that spark, that need to want to be in a better place. I think once you do, you realize you can get better, but it has to come from yourself, and expecting others to do it for you is not only unhealthy, but also not doable. It's easy to spiral. It's easy to look at everyone around you and make assumptions about their lives, how great it must be for them, how happy they must be, without realizing those same people may be dealing with their own shit, but are having a good day for the moment. We all have problems. We all get down. We all spiral from time to time. We all have a choice too, to get up, and try again. To try and focus on the positive, however small that may be at the moment. We also have the choice to not place our burdens or unhappiness onto others and expect them to take care of it for us. We need to be our own advocates. We need to want to help ourselves. To search out things that will help us and make us feel better. We have a choice, and we need to not forget that....

Sunday, July 7, 2013

When it's more than a bad body image....

Summer is a mixed blessing to me. While I enjoy the sun, with tons of sunscreen of course, and the longer days, I also dread the heat which inevitably leads to humidity and the need for wearing less clothes. By the latter, I am specifically speaking of shorts. I have not worn women's style shorts in over 10 years. I don't like my legs. To me, while, according to my husband they are nice and muscular, all I can see are the flaws. Sadly, it's not just with shorts. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a different person. I see all the scars, the cellulite, the grey hair etc. While many people may understand, most cannot relate. I suffer from body dysmorphia. I have for over 20 years. When I say I see a different person, I mean it. I am a size 4, but when I look in the mirror I still see a size 12, and being five feet tall, that's a little on the pudgy side for myself. I still see the large thighs, the flabby arms, the bad skin. Getting past that isn't an easy feat. Telling someone to "get over it" is easier said than done. And yes, it can be kept at bay, at least for me it was for quite a few years, but it has slowly started to rear it's ugly head the past year and a half. What triggers it? For me it's food. Food has been my nemesis for as long as I can remember. It is the source that keeps me alive, but also the source that makes me feel inferior. I count calories, I worry about carb, protein and fat ratios. I worry about the nutrient levels. I worry about salt intake, how bloated I am going to look and feel. I worry if I eat too much how fat I will look. Which then leads me to the exercise portion. Over training has been what I know and what I do for as long as I can remember. I worry about lifting enough weight, not doing enough cardio, not training 5 plus days a week. It's a vicious cycle, and once your in it, extremely hard to get out of. So, while many people look at me and see a woman who is fit, pretty and apparently confident, all I see is the opposite. It's like looking in a different mirror. I am not fishing for compliments when I ask my husband if I look okay, I am looking for a way to boost my own  confidence to be able to walk out the front door feeling good and not having to worry if I see a mirror, because if that confidence isn't there, the first mirror I see is also the last image I see of myself, and it's never a good one. Some days are better than others, and yes, I am taking steps to try and get it under control, which includes eating more, and reminding myself that I don't need to be on the treadmill 6 days a week. Then perhaps I can actually wear a pair of shorts that are from the women's section, ones that show a little more leg and then perhaps the image I see in the mirror will be the one that's actually there.