Monday, May 27, 2013

Being a slave to the size label....

When did we become slave to the size labels in our clothing? As women, we are taught, at least I believe, at an early age that smaller is better. We will somehow be more desirable or likable if we are a size 2, rather than a size 12. According to who, I have always wondered. I had a light bulb moment yesterday while going through my clothes. I found a pair of jeans I had discarded because they were a size 8. These jeans are from Express. My biggest joy when I bought them was the fact that I could fit in a pair of jeans from this store, as the clothing tends to run on the small size, or at least doesn't embrace us ladies with the curves. Anyway, I had them for a few months, then continued to lose weight, eventually fitting into a size 2 from the Gap. Now, the reality is, I could fit in them, but, really wouldn't have been able to sit in them, mostly just stand around, looking skinny in them...lol. I became so focused on that number on the label, that it didn't matter if they looked good, or if I could move in them. Pretty sad if you ask me. The reality is, clothing ALL fits different. A size large in one t-shirt brand fits like a size small in another, there really is no consistency, and with no consistency, how are we really to know what size we really are? That's when it hit me, I need to refocus on HOW my clothes fit, HOW they look on, IF I can actually move in them, not whether or not they are smaller than last months purchase. It's a hard path to step on, I won't lie. I have been programmed for so long to worry about the label, and not whether something looks or feels that it feels like I am stepping into the unknown, but, I also feel it's time to start feeling good about what I am wearing, and not pay so much attention to what size category it's in. Besides, I really don't see anyone coming up to me and asking me what size I wear, unless they're that rude, and if that's the case, clearly they have bigger issues than my size 8 jeans...

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Don't expect not to be criticised.....

I always find it intriguing that people who put their lives out on the Internet expect to be insulated from other people's comments or criticisms. I'm sorry, but there is no filter for the Internet, and certainly not one for the anonymous trolls that roam on it. We all have opinions on any given subject. We all like to have our voices heard. What many don't expect is that when people post something on YouTube or Facebook, for the WORLD to see, you are also going to receive some unwelcome feedback. I think what bothers me the most about that, is when you do post a comment regarding an article or video, either questioning it or disagreeing with it, all of a sudden people come out of the woodwork and launch personal attacks. I'm sorry, but, if you post a video on powerlifting and your lifts are done incorrectly, I'm going to comment on it. If you post a video of yourself falling over drunk, I'm going to question your choices. You may not like it, but, sadly, it's a part of life. Take this blog, if you want to comment on it, go for it. If you don't agree with me, I really don't care, but, I am also not going to waste my time coming after you on a personal level to make you feel like an ass, I have better things to do. The reality is this, if you don't want the world to know what you are up to, don't post the shit on Facebook or make videos of it, because I can guarantee there will always be that ONE person that's waiting in the shadows to disagree with you and comment on it. You can't always be surrounded by people that only agree with your opinions, people that are afraid to question you and always seem to say "YES" whenever asked a question regarding how awesome you are. If that's what you want, keep your shit off the Internet and check your privacy settings on Facebook.....

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

My reality of yoga....

In theory, yoga sounds great. It's this magical place where you only have to worry about the four corners of your mat. The place where you can shut the world out for 60-90 minutes at a time. The place where no judgements are made. The place where you go at your own pace. The place where the teachers take the time to adjust you. The place where you can lose weight. Well, at least according to many actresses anyway. In reality, at least my own, it is the opposite. The four sacred corners of your mat may be too small to move on if the class is over packed. The 60-90 minutes you were hoping to escape from the real world has suddenly followed you into class. The faces that stare at you up and down while you either walk into the studio, or are changing afterwards are uncomfortable. The wonderful teachers are busy either staring at themselves in the mirror, or only adjusting the people they know. And honestly, while yoga can help to trim you down, many of those wonderful actresses run or train with a trainer as well. Yoga is not fun anymore. Stressing out about how crowded a class will be, finding a parking spot, worrying if what you are wearing is somehow the "wrong" look. It's not what the purpose of yoga is for. I don't see people in India worrying about their Lululemons having sweat marks or being the latest style. Yoga has become so commercial, it's hard for me NOT to turn my back on it. All I wanted was a place where I could work on my flexibility and recharge myself. Instead I had to deal with non working trophy wives who are too busy talking to each other to notice there is anyone else in the studio. While this may only be my own experience, it's still an experience that I shouldn't have to deal with. So go ahead yoga studio, keep cranking out more locations and adding more inept teachers. I guess if your goal was to become the Starbucks of yoga, it looks like you made it.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Minnesota lost a lot yesterday.....

It's a sad day when you become afraid of stating your opinions for fear of repercussions. I just read that Chris Kluwe, punter for the MN Vikings, was cut yesterday. Of course, he didn't have the most stellar of years, but, the biggest factor, at least I believe, is the fact that he was so outspoken for Gay rights. Is the fact that he is an athlete for a professional team a reason for him to sit on the sidelines and pretend not to be passionate about certain causes? These athletes are expected to do charitable things, but only if the charities are fan approved? Since the country is so divided on Gay rights, does that mean he shouldn't say anything? He used his fame to bring attention to a cause that he believes in, why should that make him a pariah? Sadly this just reminds me that I am one to talk. There are many causes I believe in, but since they are the causes that divide so many people, they are hard to talk about. I get nervous giving my opinion, for fear of being lashed out at. You can't seem to have an intelligent conversation with someone with a differing of opinion, for fear of being ousted somehow. Even when posting on Facebook people unfriend you left and right if you start questioning things, and don't stay with the other sheep. It's pathetic and sad that we expect professional athletes to do good, but only for the causes we like, that they should share the same opinions as ourselves, and when they don't, they need to go away. People will overlook the athlete that goes to jail for hurting animals, the athlete that is suspected of murder, the athlete that has been busted for drugs, the athlete that faces domestic abuse charges, but somehow they can't accept an athlete that speaks out for the rights of other people, what does that say about us? Minnesota lost a very good man yesterday, one that was articulate, intelligent and passionate. Minnesota just lost a little bit of shine, and made many people wonder if we really are that shallow......

High school reunions...ugh

Next year is my 25th high school reunion. How do I know this? Well, besides the obvious math equation, I was reminded due to an email I received from an online site I had signed up for years ago. It got me thinking. Do I really even want to attend it? I have gone to all the other ones, and honestly, they weren't that great. At my 20th, I barely recognized people, some people haven't changed at all, and not in a good way either. The idea of seeing people that I haven't spoken with in 25 years really isn't appealing. Of course I would be lying if I said it wasn't a tad bit satisfying hearing people tell you how amazing you look, and to see the ones that really thought they were the shit actually now just look like shit. It's a huge comparison contest, who became a Doctor, who is still married, who got fat etc. It's hard not to revert back into high school level attitudes when you attend one of these. You would think that after 20 plus years, people would have changed, but really, that's not the case. Our insecurities are still there, perhaps covered up better over the years, but, it's hard not to go back to feeling like you did in high school, especially when that's how people remember you, no matter how many times you point out that no, you no longer listen to WHAM or roll your jeans up at the bottom....

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Calling out people in the "service" industry....

I am getting a bit tired of dealing with lame ass people in the service industry. If you don't like helping people, then go into a career that doesn't involve them. I have been in the service industry for over 25 years. I started in retail moving into restaurants and onto reception/ administrative, and back and forth.  So, essentially I have a lot of experience in this particular arena. In all of the positions I have held, I have also been a trainer. And, my sister can attest to this part, I am a tough trainer at that. I don't put up with lazy ass people, ones that claim to care about clients/ customers then do the exact opposite. While I am a true believer in customer service, I am also realistic. I realize there are many people out there who are out to scam, that we all have a bad day once in a while, and really, I don't think the customer is always right. But, I can also spot a person that doesn't like their job, can't stand to be serving someone else and wishes they were anywhere but there. These are the piece of shits I am tired of. I have read so many articles lately regarding how shitty customers have been to a server, how poorly they may tip, the poor me stories of how servers and bartenders only make minimum wage, so they rely on tips, the nasty things being written either on a Starbucks coffee cup, or a take out receipt, and I am over it. Yes, there are assholes across the board. Yes, there are lame customers that run your ass off then don't tip accordingly, or are just plain rude. But, there are also the bartenders that are too busy cleaning their bar to get ready to leave they forget they have customers altogether, forgetting that they are there for the customer and not the other way around. Customer service is hard, there is no doubt about it, and over the years, things have definitely changed: customers thinking they deserve everything and anything for free, berating service provers is a hobby for some people, but  service providers also that forget they have a choice to be doing the job they chose, to focus on doing their jobs well, for being grateful for the good customers that keep coming back, because in the end, if you continue with the shitty service, your doors close, then what have you got and who can you blame? Besides, the economy is only a part of why a business goes under, the bigger part is the service and quality of the product. So, stop providing shitty service, and I may actually come back, otherwise, I am sure the next business that takes over the space you vacated might like me a little better.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Your own highlight reel....

Why does everyone seem to have a cooler highlight reel than me? Is it because I am keenly aware of my imperfections and seem to forget that everyone deals with their own insecurities? Is it because it is so much easier to dismiss my accomplishments than accept any type of praise for them? I think it's because when you are feeling so insecure about yourself, everyone else around you seems to live a better life than your own. While I know this is not the case, I mean honestly, look at poor Amanda Bynes...screaming out for help I tell you, it's still hard to take a step back and look at the world without your rose colored glasses on. We all have ups and downs, it's how we deal with them on a daily basis that defines us. I have a choice, either make lemonade, or take the lemons and start throwing them at people, and really, while the latter sounds like fun, it's such a waste of lemons. Other people look at your highlight reel and are amazed, jealous and in awe, how is it we can't have the same reaction to our own lives that an outsider does? For me, it has a little to do with feeling like I have no right to be happy or proud, as fucked up as that is. I worry people will think I am egotistical, and the last thing I ever want is to give someone ammunition to use against me to cut me down. I can do that very well on my own thank you. I think it's time to stop looking at other peoples accomplishments as being better than my own. It's okay for me to be proud of myself, for getting as far as I have and for wanting to accomplish so much more. It's time my highlight reel became an HBO movie, rather than a Lifetime after school special...

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

When a haircut doesn't change your world....

Lately I've been wrestling with who I am. I thought I was on the path to knowing the answer, but apparently I got lost in delusion ville and haven't got on the next train out. I convinced myself I was okay with being a bit heavier, more muscular, because in strength sports, it's more important how much you lift than it is if you are a size 2. I was convinced that I needed to grow my hair out, then to color it after 4 plus years of not, only to realize that I was growing it out for the sole purpose of hiding behind it. I thought that as I got older this insane amount of wisdom would just appear and I would have my shit together...nope. So, I decided to stop with the strength sports, focus on fat loss, to feel good about myself again, and having less jiggly bits is a huge bonus. I then cut my hair off, back to the short do I am known for, and guess what: the world didn't change. Was I really that naive to think that cutting my hair wold somehow give me back the confidence I lost along the road? To think that I would suddenly fit back into my size 2 pants? Because all it's done is freak me out that I no longer have any hair to hide behind, I no longer have a meet to get ready for and my size 4 pants are a bit snug in the ass. So I am now flaying about with no direction. And that, coupled with no confidence is not a good combo I tell you. I envy the people that seem to have it together, although, realistically I know they could be just as fucked in the head as I am. So, where do I go from here? Do I panic, start growing my hair out again? Do I bite the bullet and injury or no injury, keep killing myself in order to have a goal? Do I do insane amounts of cardio to make my pants fit? I'm pretty sure I know the answer, I just need to face the facts and get my shit together myself, because honestly, no one else is going to do it for me.....not even my fabulous new haircut.

Through wasting time in people that don't matter...

I am past the point of wasting time on people that don't matter. Those people will continue to be loud mouthed, egotistical, unintelligent opinionated people no matter how wrong they may be concerning a certain topic, so really, why bother? Certain people seem to think that their way of thinking is the only way of thinking, that their opinion is all that matters, and if you don't agree with them, somehow you must be a tree hugging liberal hippy. It couldn't be that I just have a different opinion, now could it? I like to be challenged in conversations, I like to hear other people's point of views. I don't surround myself with people that are only like minded, what's the point and how do you grow from that? It seems that as people become more polarized though, the tougher it gets finding people that aren't sheep.   Finding new friends as you get older is a challenge. I don't talk with any of the people I was friends with in high school, or most people I either went to college or worked with. It's hard to keep those friendships going when you don't have anything in common. Besides, I would like to think I have grown a bit since age 16. When you change your opinion on something, or your outlook on something it can be scary for your friends, and many of them may not know how to handle the new you, so, they just fade away. It can be a bit hard in the beginning, but, then you realize you haven't really lost anything, and it opens the door for new people to go through. New people that aren't the sheeple you were once surrounded by before....