Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Hiding then realizing you need to stop being a pussy.

I have, for the most of my many years on this earth, had short hair. yes, a few times, I grew it out, thinking if I did that, I would somehow turn into a supermodel, but then reality hits you: You realize you are only 5 feet tall and not built for the catwalk. During those moments of clarity, I cut my hair. Truth be told, I rock short hair, and not a cute little bob, we're talking full on short, little mohawk. People tell me it fits my personality, short, sassy and cute. I don't see it, but to each his own, right? Anyway, so, as I am now in my 40's I convinced myself, yet again, that I should grow my hair out again. This started a few months ago. Needless to say, it is not long and flowy, more awkward looking, something that really messes with your ego, and the grey really started showing, so yes, I broke down and colored it....ugh, what a mistake. Anyway, I kept convincing myself this was the road I wanted to take, until it hit me this past weekend. The reasons are all wrong. I am trying to hide behind my hair, hide the scar on my cheek from skin cancer, hide the age spots that are starting to take over, hide from the little laugh lines and wrinkles around my eyes. I am in fact hiding from aging, which in turn is creating one giant pussy of a woman. Gone is the girl with confidence, because now she is so fucking wrapped up in other people's opinions of her and her looks, and seriously, I don't know them, so why do I give them so much power? Many people can't and shouldn't have short hair, they look fantastic with long hair, I am not one of those people. I have to accept the fact that I am getting older, a little more greyer, and yes, a little less supple, but I am still a good person, with a wicked sense of humor and can out lift many men, so, time to chop off the hair, leave the fantasies behind and get the confidence flag flying...and to stop being such a pussy.

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