Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Aging gracefully....yeah right!

Well, it's been a long fucking time since I have posted. Why? Well, simply put, I got lazy. I also started and continue to wonder if there is any point in blogging, who will read it, who will respond, am I just being narcissistic? As I get older, it amazes and scares me how little I am enjoying it. In this day and age of botox, lipo, celebrity trainers, zone diets and photo shop, it becomes harder and harder to age gracefully. I start to wonder why I do the things I do, is it because I actually enjoy the activity or is it because I am hoping in some small way I have discovered the fountain of youth and all my fears of aging are now over? You try to convince yourself that you will be the "cool" chick, that handles greying hair, a few wrinkles, age spots and drooping boobs, but, it becomes harder and harder to become that chick when you are staring at the face of a photo shopped picture of any celebrity of the same age as yourself, bragging about how "laughing" keeps them toned, how eating a balanced meal and working out is a priority and just breathing deeply and being grateful on a daily basis is what keeps them young. Really? No mention of the celebrity one on one training sessions, personal chefs, nannies, assistants etc. The reality is, comparing ourselves never seems to go away, no matter what age you become, and it's frustrating as hell. There are days I wake up, feeling happy that I was able to get out of bed without wincing at back pain, and then panicking because I wonder how long that good feeling will last. If doing my job is going to throw my back out of whack enough to go to the chiropractor, or if I will have a good training session. Sad really.  I would really just like to regain that fire that I once had. To be that confident woman I once was, before I was being held back by the grey, the wrinkles and the wobbly bits that are getting harder and harder to fix. Will I ever be happy with myself? And at what age does that wisdom set in, 90? Honestly, I really wish they made that pill "Fuckitol" it would be so much easier, this self reflection can be a bit of a downer...

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