Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself...

The past few days I have been in a foul mood. I suppose preparing for taxes, both business and personal can do that to you, especially when you are not a financial wizard. It makes me want to curl up under my blankets until at all magically goes away. I get pretty close to entering severe meltdown phase, and essentially wait for my husband to pull me out of it. Poor guy, I put so much pressure on him to help me out of my moods. Anyway, I have also been feeling a bit sorry for myself, for what reason, I'm not sure. I am fortunate to have a great husband, who supports me unconditionally, who puts up with my weird food obsessions, quirky blanket cover issues and severe mood swings. I also have a roof over my head, 3 great dogs and food to eat, what the fuck do I have to feel sorry about? Nothing, that's what. I sit here, day after day, creating little issues to focus on, am I skinny enough, strong enough, have too many wobbly bits, good at my job etc...when the reality is, I need to get over myself. Fuck this worrying about what I can't control. Fuck other people's ideas of what I should look like. Fuck other people's ideas of what is strong. And fuck those people that wouldn't know a good massage if it bit them in the ass. I am sick of having these thoughts overtake my head, and letting them control how I react and interact with others. Day after day I read article after article about others who have so much other shit going on in their lives, but yet still are optimistic and power through. Powerlifters that don't focus on how much "cardio" they need to be doing, strongmen and women who don't worry about calories they are eating and countless others that don't worry about whether or not their gym pants are making their asses look too big. Instead of feeling bad about what I think I should look or act like, it's time to take a good look in the mirror and embrace what I do have going for me, no more focusing on my flaws, it's getting old (as my husband can attest to..lol). If i don't stop this train wreck, I am going to continue like this til I am dead, and seriously, how sad of a life is that to have lived, or not lived I should say....Off to workout....

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