Monday, April 9, 2012

Caught between a rock and a had place....

As I get older, there are days I feel where my wisdom has definitely skyrocketed, and others where I can't remember jack shit, or just choose to forget what I have learned and fall back into my old way of thinking. This happens a lot when it comes to self confidence for me. I just read about Amanda Beard, 7 time Olympic swimmer, model and all around kick ass woman, it was in response to her book she just published, and basically she let it all out: the lack of self confidence, eating issues, body image problems and it made me think: if this 7 time champion felt like she looked like shit, when in actuality she was in prime condition, what hope is there for the rest of us? I think what amazed me was just how much we really don't know about other people, and the struggles they have, especially woman. We are brought up to think we need to look a certain way, weigh a certain number, and on top of that, be smart, but not TOO smart, opinionated, but not intimidating. We can't seem to win. Magazines want "skinny but strong", and it's forgotten just how far these athletes or models have to go to accomplish that look. And in the meantime, women, like me, are buying into this image we need to accomplish ourselves. I admit it, I am still struggling with it. At my age, you would think I am finally at a comfortable place with my own image but I'm not, and it pisses me off! I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. I want to be a strong powerlifter, but yet want to be able to fit in my size 2 jeans, again, which are loose in the waist, but make my legs look a bit sausage like due to their larger size...Can't win. I might as well sign up for a monthly Zuba shipment if this keeps up. The really frustrating thing is my husband LOVES my legs, how strong they are, how muscular I am in general, and yes, with a few squishy spots (curse you sweet donuts!!) He loves me, why is it so hard to love myself? I'm not asking to win Olympic medals (although that would rock), I just want to get past this idea in my head that I need to look like someone else. What's wrong with looking like me? In the mean time, I really need to figure out how to get this fucking rock out of my way....Perhaps my powerful legs ARE useful after all?

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