Thursday, April 19, 2012

Bad booty week...

Nothing to squash the confidence I have built up the past month in the booty department than having a bad booty week. Seriously, black leggings are not dark enough to cover the dent on my right ass cheek that mysteriously keeps showing up. If you are a woman reading this, you understand what I am talking about. There are just some days where you are having an awesome booty day: the pants look good, undies aren't riding into no mans land, and you feel good having people check you out. Then the bad booty fairy comes in out of nowhere and "zap" that lovely booty you were once so proud of a day ago is no longer around. What makes this happen? And what can I do to stop it? Well, my husband would look at me like I am crazy for one, since he loves how I look, then shake his head after I share my ASSault plan to tackle the issue...seems simple, overdo the hip thrusts, run like a maniac on the treadmill, 800 lunges and bench over the tops with 100 pounds. This is not realistic I know. But, it's hard when you are a powerlifter that wants to look like a fitness model. The two don't go hand in hand, at least if you want to push any weight or set records. I need to stop getting so hung up on what's behind me, kind of like letting go of the past. You can't change it, you can only move forward, well, the past anyway, the booty, well, that's another story, I can change that, but it's gonna take some time, some diet changes, and yes, a couple of hip thrusts and sprints....Nothing too crazy though, just enough to feel that my ass isn't going to attack the state I live in, and to feel good about putting non black workout pants on again.....

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Curse of the hour glass shape...

There are days I embrace my curves and others where I curse them. It's hard to have an hour glass shape in the world these days. You have a hard time finding anything to fit, and most of the time, at least in my case, looking ridiculous, or wearing the same things over and over again. Skinny jeans? What are those? Boyfriend cut? Again, not sure what your are talking about. The sad truth is, I wear a size 2 in the waist, and a size 4/6 in the legs. Another shocker, I actually have boobs. Even though gravitity (see what I did there...) is fighting me tooth and nail to pull them closer to mother earth, they do still exist. I almost think I was born in the wrong era, like the 50's were my calling, but then again, I would not have fit the mold with the hubby as the master and me staying at home to cook( what's a stove?) or raise the children (don't have any, don't want any) although the liquid lunches, hmmm, I may have been persuaded. As time marches on, it seems the hour glass shape is not accepted an longer as a body type, unless you are on Mad Men, but even that's a show that I am sure will end at one point. Where are the Jane Russells, the Marilyn Monroes? Bring back the hips and boob chicks, I am feeling a bit lonely out here, and very awkward standing in the Gap looking for jeans that fit.....

Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself...

The past few days I have been in a foul mood. I suppose preparing for taxes, both business and personal can do that to you, especially when you are not a financial wizard. It makes me want to curl up under my blankets until at all magically goes away. I get pretty close to entering severe meltdown phase, and essentially wait for my husband to pull me out of it. Poor guy, I put so much pressure on him to help me out of my moods. Anyway, I have also been feeling a bit sorry for myself, for what reason, I'm not sure. I am fortunate to have a great husband, who supports me unconditionally, who puts up with my weird food obsessions, quirky blanket cover issues and severe mood swings. I also have a roof over my head, 3 great dogs and food to eat, what the fuck do I have to feel sorry about? Nothing, that's what. I sit here, day after day, creating little issues to focus on, am I skinny enough, strong enough, have too many wobbly bits, good at my job etc...when the reality is, I need to get over myself. Fuck this worrying about what I can't control. Fuck other people's ideas of what I should look like. Fuck other people's ideas of what is strong. And fuck those people that wouldn't know a good massage if it bit them in the ass. I am sick of having these thoughts overtake my head, and letting them control how I react and interact with others. Day after day I read article after article about others who have so much other shit going on in their lives, but yet still are optimistic and power through. Powerlifters that don't focus on how much "cardio" they need to be doing, strongmen and women who don't worry about calories they are eating and countless others that don't worry about whether or not their gym pants are making their asses look too big. Instead of feeling bad about what I think I should look or act like, it's time to take a good look in the mirror and embrace what I do have going for me, no more focusing on my flaws, it's getting old (as my husband can attest to..lol). If i don't stop this train wreck, I am going to continue like this til I am dead, and seriously, how sad of a life is that to have lived, or not lived I should say....Off to workout....

Monday, April 9, 2012

Caught between a rock and a had place....

As I get older, there are days I feel where my wisdom has definitely skyrocketed, and others where I can't remember jack shit, or just choose to forget what I have learned and fall back into my old way of thinking. This happens a lot when it comes to self confidence for me. I just read about Amanda Beard, 7 time Olympic swimmer, model and all around kick ass woman, it was in response to her book she just published, and basically she let it all out: the lack of self confidence, eating issues, body image problems and it made me think: if this 7 time champion felt like she looked like shit, when in actuality she was in prime condition, what hope is there for the rest of us? I think what amazed me was just how much we really don't know about other people, and the struggles they have, especially woman. We are brought up to think we need to look a certain way, weigh a certain number, and on top of that, be smart, but not TOO smart, opinionated, but not intimidating. We can't seem to win. Magazines want "skinny but strong", and it's forgotten just how far these athletes or models have to go to accomplish that look. And in the meantime, women, like me, are buying into this image we need to accomplish ourselves. I admit it, I am still struggling with it. At my age, you would think I am finally at a comfortable place with my own image but I'm not, and it pisses me off! I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. I want to be a strong powerlifter, but yet want to be able to fit in my size 2 jeans, again, which are loose in the waist, but make my legs look a bit sausage like due to their larger size...Can't win. I might as well sign up for a monthly Zuba shipment if this keeps up. The really frustrating thing is my husband LOVES my legs, how strong they are, how muscular I am in general, and yes, with a few squishy spots (curse you sweet donuts!!) He loves me, why is it so hard to love myself? I'm not asking to win Olympic medals (although that would rock), I just want to get past this idea in my head that I need to look like someone else. What's wrong with looking like me? In the mean time, I really need to figure out how to get this fucking rock out of my way....Perhaps my powerful legs ARE useful after all?

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Give an inch...get taken a mile

It becomes harder and harder at times to want to do the right thing. People make it difficult at times to believe there is really any good in them, yet I am told constantly there is. I am still waiting to see that. One area of contention for me is parking lots, and how people park there cars, especially huge SUV's. There should be a law, if you can't park it, you can't own one. i drive a smaller car, by choice, and when I park, I try to find corner spots, and park as close to the curb as possible. Apparently this is an open invitation to the dipshit brigade to park as close to me as possible, with your tires still angled, all so you can get a closer spot to the front door at the gym or the grocery store or wherever you are. How hard is it to take an extra step to back out, and pull your car in straight, and perhaps within your own parking space, they put lines there for a reason. Although it seems those are the same people that tend to think the rules don't apply to them, kind of like stop signs. I mean really, if the stop sign is outlined in white, it's optional, right? It baffles me that when you try to do the right thing, like hold a door open for someone, that person in return doesn't hold it for the person behind them, and are in fact trying to beat you to get thru it first. Seriously? Is this how you were brought up? And are these the lessons you are teaching your children? Frightening.....Taking advantage of someone else's kindness is pretty sad, and no amount of confessing at church on Sunday is going to save you from that, once an asshole, always an asshole, at least in my book...But then again, I was brought up with manners, something so lacking these days.....No more giving an inch....