Thursday, September 22, 2011

Grass is greener jobland

Sometimes I find it so easy to go backwards. It usually happens when I am facing new challenges, or just having a bad day (or week). While many people tend to look up old relationships, I tend to look up old Companies I have worked for. Why? Not sure, but probably because it reminds me at one point that I actually knew what I was doing, and didn't really question my abilities. I realize if I had stayed at many of these places, or all of them to be fair, that I would have become stagnant, bored, unchallenged and unfulfilled, but it's easy to look over the shit that made you quit in the first place, and focus on the positives, or at least what you THINK were the positives, especially when you feel like you are in free fall at your current job. I can't really put my finger on when the shift happened, or why I am so fearful of doing such a shitty job, but, I don't think it instills confidence when your boss is feeding the seeds of doubt you already have in your own head. I try to stay positive, and there are flashes of happiness from time to time, but mostly, I start to over analyze each situation, and start to get nervous about working on a client, even one I've seen over and over again. Before you think anything creepy, I'm a massage therapist, a certified one....You see, I have always had the "grass is greener" mentality when it comes to jobs, and I am sorry to say this is no different. I used to not understand other therapists that can shut off themselves while working on a client, and sadly I am finding myself doing it now as well. Now, I am just trying to figure out how to get past this negative mountain that seems to keep moving with me every day, rather than me being able to scale it, and forget it. Hence the reason I am on Craig's List, yet again, looking at job openings. I have to wonder though, will I ever be happy at ANY job I have? Or will I continue to keep looking at the greener grass, while still living in the past?

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