Monday, September 19, 2011

Chasing the elusive happy train...

Perhaps it's the weather wreaking havoc on my state of mind, or perhaps I just think too much, but I am starting to wonder if the happy train has left the station, and I am standing on a shut down platform...yes, perhaps a bit deep for a Monday, but hey, I write these blogs for myself, so i won't be insulted if you move on to a happier one about how great it was to burn 3000 calories on the treadmill....anyway...I look around, and see so many people that are either really genuinely happy or just great at faking's hard to decipher sometimes. I wonder how they are the way they are, did they reach their goal weight and are now living the life they always wanted to? Have they met the person that brings out the absolute best in them and have fallen deeply in love? Have they found a fantastic cake that won't add 5 pounds to their hips after one bite? I always have wondered what makes people tick, and sometimes, even though it's hard to admit, I am a bit jealous of what I find out. Some of them have found this inner peace that eludes so many of us, some of them have found a level of peace with their bodies, and stopped conforming to what society has deemed as perfection. Some of them have found careers that they absolutely love, and can't imagine doing anything else. I want to be one of those people...except for the being madly in love with someone (which I am fortunate to have), I want to find this inner calmness, this acceptance of my body, the cake that won't add 5 pounds and a career where I don't question myself so much..the big question is, are any of these wants possible? Or do I start faking it til I make it and hope after a while it just happens to stay that way? I start to wonder if I am meant to be happy at all, or just a sarcastic person who will continue to reach for the impossible? I keep repeating that song" Come on get happy", yes, from the Partridge family (I'm old, what can I say?) but it's doesn't seem to be sticking...It's times like these I feel like running away, it always seemed to work in the past, but I also know that's not an option....and honestly, what would it solve in the long run? Perhaps it's time to just slap a little lipstick on and hope for the best....any suggestions on shades?

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