Monday, August 1, 2011

Giving up control...

As you get older, you start to realize how much control you really don't have. It has actually been an illusion this whole time, messing with your head. What I've realized, finally, is that you can only go for so long with this way of thinking before you give out, both mentally and physically. I have been under the illusion that I could control how others felt or perceived me. What I have found out is people will think the way they do. I can be the nicest person in the world to someone, and it won't matter, so honestly, why do I continue to worry about it? Deep down we all want to be liked and appreciated and at times, looked upon as being these awesome super humans, and to some that surround us, we are. To the others, unfortunately they are in their own little world, so half the time they don't even notice if you are there. It becomes mentally draining trying to set everything up perfect, it also becomes physically impossible to continue with the charade that everything is going as planned. Sometimes things just suck, for no other reason than they just do. You can have everything planned to the minute, and something out of the blue can blow it sky high, regardless if you are wearing your lucky sweater or not. As I get older, it is becoming more and more apparent that I cannot control most things that are going on in my life, with the exception of what I eat, or how I drive or what I decide to wear. Outside forces will always be stronger than I am. I can't control how clients react to my massage, I can't control how someone will respond to a criticism I give, I can't control how my lifts will be judged at my meet, what I can control is trying to give up the illusion that I actually have any to begin with, and once I start accepting that, I think life may become a bit more enjoyable and less stressful....Can't wait to see how that works out for me.....

1 comment:

  1. Being the stream comes to mind. You are right - control is an illusion. Being able to let go - truly let go sounds like some kind of bliss.

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