Thursday, August 25, 2011

Missing the superficial....

There are days I miss being oblivious, and superficial. When I would not care about what was happening in the world, politics and focused more on who was dating who, wearing what designer, when my next tanning appointment was, when I was going to get my nails done, when I could join my friends at the bar for happy hour....Those days seem so long ago, it's hard to remember them, well, except I now have a scar on my cheek from having skin cancer removed and the grey in my hair assures me it's been a long time since I have colored it....The days when I really didn't care too much about other people, their thoughts or opinions. I just assumed I was always right, and knew what I was doing better than others did...As I have gotten older, I have opened my eyes to so many things, it can be a bit overwhelming. I worry about politics, and the people that are elected to make decisions for us, I know that the way I was working out for years was not the best way to get the results I crave, I really could give a rats ass who is dating who. I don't tan, and am actually afraid of the sun, I don't have my nails done, because well, I don't have any, since being a massage therapist, and I rarely drink. I care about what other people think, well, at least to a certain extent, and love having good conversations with people who have different opinions from my own...The one thing I can't seem to get a grip on is this paranoia that I am not good at what I do....I care about the people on my table, I want them to feel better when I am done with them, I want to give them hugs when I know they are having a tough time of things...It's hard for me to disconnect myself from what I do, and I am amazed at those that can. I am assured I am good at what I do, based on feedback from my regular clients and the people I work with, but, there is still this little voice in my head that keeps putting those thoughts in my head that I should really get in another line of work....Why? I look at these CEO's that go from one Company to another, never really doing a good job, but still getting paid quite nicely and still rehired time after time, and yet I worry about whether or not I got enough tension out of someone's back? How jacked up is that way of thinking? I see more people on a day to day basis that half ass their jobs and seem to be perfectly fine with it, and seeing as how nobody is calling them on it, why shouldn't they be okay with spending all day on Facebook or texting their friends? This is the only thing I hate about getting older, losing the ability to shut out what new knowledge you have learned, ignoring the way the world is being run....If only I had E, I could spend all day dumbing myself down by watching Jersey Shore or Keeping up with the Kardashians.....

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Hate cleaning, but grew up because of it....

There used to be a time when I loved cleaning. It was weird, because I really don't know many people that enjoy that task, let alone bathrooms, but, that's an area of pride for me, or, at least it used to be. Of course, this was when I lived in apartments, or a rented room in California. Now, I have a house, a big one, and I can't stand cleaning it any longer. I wonder when the shift happened. I can't really place the day or time, but, I do know it's been within the past 6 months or so. Don't get me wrong, I still clean, it just no longer consists of scrubbing the floors every week. To me, cleaning takes away from time I could be spending with my husband and my dogs. Since we really don't entertain much, what's the point of spit shining the toilet? I used to long for the big house, nice furniture etc.....and now I yearn for a small space, little to no furniture and room to breathe, if that makes sense. Sometimes I feel like this space is suffocating me, but, then I remember I am pretty fortunate to have a roof over my head, so I stop feeling sorry for myself. When I realized I hated cleaning the house, it hit me...I have finally grown up. Crazy, right? I no longer care about impressing others with my nice furniture or dusted picture frames. I focus on what's really important to me: my husband and my dogs, and getting to a smaller place where I can start to enjoy cleaning again......

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I think I'm better than you, and I know it....

I used to think the movie Dodgeball was just hysterical, and now I realize it's more true than I thought. So many things in the movie are similar to the actual gym I belong to, it's frightening. Many of the members really do think they are better than you. Many of the trainers do as well. While my gym doesn't offer tanning, I do know they go elsewhere to have that taken care of, and the end result is I am surrounded by quite a few oompa loompas that really need to realize orange is NOT the new "healthy glow". There are plenty of members that wear really short shorts and skorts. There are many members that wear tight shirts and sleeveless shirts as well. The need to show everyone else up at the place is so high on the priority list of these people it's scary. I can always tell what the latest trend is just by going to the gym. Skorts are in, leggings are out. Neon running shoes=hot, plain asics=not. I hadn't realized that having the latest workout clothing or shoes would make me a better power lifer, or faster runner, how did I miss this? Thank goodness I have the great people at the gym to make me aware of these things...I go to the gym to work out, not to impress anyone, and to be honest, that would be hard to do, since I don't have the latest skort...While I can look at these things, and chuckle, I have to admit I resent others, especially trainers, that think they are better than you. See, you are PAID to work people out, not to check your phone, stare at the television or sit and daydream, while you are with a client. Stop acting like you have more important things to be doing than training your client. Here's a little reality check for you: You don't work for a professional athletic team, and I really don't see anyone beating down your door to do so either, so, how about in the meantime you focus on your JOB, put aside you ego and help your client, you know, the one you think you are so much better than.....Just a thought....

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Triggers...and avoiding them...

Sometimes I find myself looking for a fight. I am not proud of this fact, but it's the truth. and actually, if we are being honest, it's not like I am looking to physically hurt someone, but there are days when you are just on edge, and anything and everything can push you over it. One positive thing is that I realize when it's happening, and can take steps to avoid it. It's like when you are stressed or mad, and want nothing more than to drown your misery in a glass of Riesling and some m&m's..after you are on this journey, and realize how hard you have fought to get where you are, you realize it's not worth it, and can take a step back from it..not everyone can do this I realize, but I think it's important for people to realize it can be done...I now avoid stupid people as much as possible. I used to get so frazzled dealing with them, that I realize now they will never change. I don't spend time with people that I don't find will enrich my life. I like learning new things, having intelligent conversations and being challenged, and if you don't bring those things to the table, I won't be joining you. Call me rude, I really don't care. As I have gotten older, I realize I am actually a lot different from so many around me, it's kind of sad. I see people going on with their daily routines, never challenging themselves, whether it be physically, personally, intellectually, spiritually or whatever. I see a lot of "wall-e" in people...and I know I was once just like that...but, now I can walk away from a bag of m&m's and a glass of wine, just as I can walk away from people that aren't worth my time...it can be hard, standing by yourself, but how will you really find out the type of person you are if you don't go out of your comfort zone? This is why I avoid talking about weight, counting calories, and also why I don't comment on someones blog when they brag about only eating a #2 at McDonald's rather than a #1. I don't relate to it, and since I know these are triggers for me, I avoid them....Why get fired up over it? Why not just walk past it on to a brighter topic? Seems pretty simple to me, but then again, it's taken me quite a few years to figure it out....hopefully others can too.....

Monday, August 8, 2011

Shitty service becoming all too common these days....

So my husband and I are trying to get out of our comfort zone by visiting new places to eat, and so far, we have had pretty good luck, with the exception of yesterday. Why is good service so fucking hard to provide? I have been in the service industry my whole life, including serving, hosting and managing at restaurants, and sadly, I continue to see a sharp decline in people that know what good service actually is. I can understand having to wait a few minutes to be served at the bar, but, 10 plus minutes? Without any eye contact or acknowledgment that we are actually there? Concept, trying to spend money here, trying to help you pay your car payment or mortgage, why are you fighting it so hard? Then, when actually acknowledged, giving a drink order, 2 bloody marys, no rim, and olives only...pretty fucking simple, especially when repeated 3 times, only to still have a rim, and be asked if we want celery...wtf?! seeing the bar get busier and busier, because sadly, they are short staffed. but honestly, this place has a reputation for providing snail service, but, we thought it couldn't be as bad as they say...Wrong yet again....tried putting a food order in, then thought better of it, decided to tab out and leave. No, we didn't leave a tip, and yes, I realize the bartender thinks we are assholes, but you know what, you didn't provide any SERVICE, which is what you are tipped on. Why should we reinforce bad behavior by giving you a tip? I for one am getting tired of being able to see people that don't like there jobs. Quit if you don't like it, because honestly, somebody better than you could probably use the job. Don't get pissy when you are in the weeds, that's not my fault, how you handle it is what makes a great bartender or server, and sadly, I see more and more people that can't rise to the occasion...Perhaps it's time to go work on an assembly line, for 8 hours, with no contact with people, because honestly, you seem to suck at dealing with the public....And I for one am tired of you blaming everyone else for you not making any tips, simply because you can't look in the mirror and be honest with yourself about how shitty you do your job.....

Thursday, August 4, 2011

The little green man of protection...

First, a disclaimer, I am not a parent, and I am by choice not a parent...What I am though is a believer that a parent needs to watch their kid, and not rely on the plastic little green man they put in their yard to do it for them. Have you seen these ridiculous things? You can get them at home depot or some other place, and basically it is a little green man, holding a sign that states "slow down"....Wow, how awesome and comforting to know this little plastic dude will keep your kid safe while in the yard, so you don't have to watch them....The best is when a parent is in the yard, with this green guy, and a plastic cup full of beer...I also love seeing children playing in the back of a car, with the hatchback, while no parent is to be seen, it's like they really are oblivious to the fact that their 2 year old could get their hand crushed in the door while their 6 year old daughter is playing with it...Then they shake their head in amazement when it happens...I have some advice for you, watch your fucking kids, because I have better things to do than do it for you. Get off your phone while you are walking across the parking lot and your kid is just running around, stop assuming others are paying attention to what your kids are doing, because honestly, the person driving the car that could possibly hit your child is probably on their cell phone as well...You wanted a kid, then be a parent. Pay attention. Don't rely on some plastic green guy to spread the word to "slow down"...Perhaps you should be out in the yard with your 2 year old to begin with, rather than chatting on the phone to Sally about how hard it is being a mommy and trying to get to Zumba on time.. All I ask is that you stop assuming everyone else in the neighborhood is going to keep an eye on your children for you because you apparently have better things to do than watch "the greatest gift on earth"...your own child, you know, the one playing in the middle of the street.....

Monday, August 1, 2011

Giving up control...

As you get older, you start to realize how much control you really don't have. It has actually been an illusion this whole time, messing with your head. What I've realized, finally, is that you can only go for so long with this way of thinking before you give out, both mentally and physically. I have been under the illusion that I could control how others felt or perceived me. What I have found out is people will think the way they do. I can be the nicest person in the world to someone, and it won't matter, so honestly, why do I continue to worry about it? Deep down we all want to be liked and appreciated and at times, looked upon as being these awesome super humans, and to some that surround us, we are. To the others, unfortunately they are in their own little world, so half the time they don't even notice if you are there. It becomes mentally draining trying to set everything up perfect, it also becomes physically impossible to continue with the charade that everything is going as planned. Sometimes things just suck, for no other reason than they just do. You can have everything planned to the minute, and something out of the blue can blow it sky high, regardless if you are wearing your lucky sweater or not. As I get older, it is becoming more and more apparent that I cannot control most things that are going on in my life, with the exception of what I eat, or how I drive or what I decide to wear. Outside forces will always be stronger than I am. I can't control how clients react to my massage, I can't control how someone will respond to a criticism I give, I can't control how my lifts will be judged at my meet, what I can control is trying to give up the illusion that I actually have any to begin with, and once I start accepting that, I think life may become a bit more enjoyable and less stressful....Can't wait to see how that works out for me.....